i have had enough of being ruled by my out-of-control emotions and fluctuating moods.
it's more than thinking i am crazy, though that happens often enough.
i yearn for the feeling of stability. not that i am entirely sure of what that feels like.
only today the spectrum of my emotions has run from the desire to "beat the shit out of everyone in the world" (instead i furiously shredded some newspapers and hit a couch with a pillow) to just sitting and crying, to lying on my bed listening to the beatles in ultimate calm contemplation.
i've had more than enough of my random crying for no reason (i know that's the depression wanting to be the centre of attention) and the perplexing anger that actually makes me walk around saying "i'm angry!" out loud. seriously what gives.
one of the absolute worst feelings/moods is the one that traps me between action and inaction, absolutely characteristic of a.d.d.- i'm frequently really hyped up and excited to do EVERYTHING. to read EVERYTHING. to learn EVERYTHING. to know EVERYTHING. but i do NOTHING. and that leaves me doing/ reading/ learning/ knowing NOTHING and feeling like nothing. i don't know where or how to start, so i don't.
one of my favourite solaces (olol apart from drugs&drink) is listening to music that makes me want to cry. that shit's forreal.